½ a year here

What has actually happened in half a year?!  

When I was travelling to Newcastle yesterday we had the greatest conversation with one of my favorite exchange friends.  With her we talked about the differences compared to Scandinavia, and  what we've experienced so far.  It's great to have someone who's fun to be around and thinks in the same way.  After that discussion I'm finally getting over my ridiculous problem with the outbounds leaving; I guess it's talking that always helps. :)

I'm actually surprised that I've already spent half of my year; where are the disasters I was promised?! Haha, but really, it has been way easier than I expected it to be.  Only problems so far are in my head.  Sounds so stupid but your emotions just get wild!!  It's hard to explain, and I bet really hard to understand as well if you haven't experienced this.  One day you feel that you've never been happier, the next day you are close to be depressed and just want to cry.  One day you feel like you belong here and you never want to go back, the next day you feel ready to take the next plane home. One day you love the people you live with, the next one you get annoyed because they don't understand anything.  Or doesn't even need to be the next day; next minute is ok as well!!  And one more thing: sometimes you just feel like you'd give anything to have a day alone, to do nothing, talk to no one and just be.  That's something which would make me happy back home.  Just have some time to myself, go for run and watch TV.  Waste time. But no, once you get a day like that here, you think too much and end up feeling like you've never been as alone, and you miss home so badly!!!  This is the first time I'm admitting this, so believe me, it sounds really strange to me as well. :D  But this is the truth, so why wouldn't I share it with you.  Thought after this it might be hard to believe that usually I'm mentally pretty steady... :P

I'm sure I've made it really clear that I had couple of hard days; missing some people a lot.  No, they weren't my family or my friends back home. Just Australian people I've known for couple of months.  It sounds incomprehensible to me as well.  But while talking to my friend yesterday I'm pretty sure we realized the reason; it's so different to be an exchange student and meet people than to be back home, to be the same as everyone else.  At first you meet way more people here than back home. Then you learn to trust people really quickly, that's the only way to get anywhere and do anything.  It's not that we are putting ourselves into danger even though it might sound a bit like it; everyone has a connection to Rotary so you can expect people to be nice and reliable even though you don't really know them.  I mean back home I would never even consider to go to a sleepover to a guy's place who I've seen once before.  Here it's normal thing to do, and that's clearly when I've had the best time and enjoyed myself the most so far.  That's how you get to know people so quickly and have great time.  That's just how we do it here.  And I'm not complaining; that's when you do the best things, create the best inside jokes and get to know the awesome people (the people you can't stop missing 10 days later when they're gone...)  But that's the way it goes.  Great time and Goodbyes.  That's exchange.


And then there's the thing I've already wrote about earlier.  Probably one of the reasons making people so emotional; how you always have to be happy. It's not like 'rotary says I can't be sad or angry' but the truth is that if you don't behave, be happy, excited and active at all times people won't like you as much.  I classify myself as a mainly happy person, but still a year smiling is a lot to ask from anyone.  And when you are already a bit annoyed, angry and sad, the smallest things make you want to yell and cry.  And you just kinda have to be really thoughtful all the time because you're like a guest in the place you live in.  I can't be mad even one day, otherwise people say I can't behave.  I can't fight with people I live with, because it would just all turn against me.  I guess the best way to put it is that people like me as long as I'm likable.  My mum and dad will love me even if I had thirteen bad days in a row, here I would just be in a huge trouble, people trying to get rid of me.  That's the difference. 

Even though some Rotary people reckon it's not good for my year, I can't wait my family to come here!!!  Even a thought that I'll see them soon makes me happy, opposite to what some say; that they would make me feel like going home.  NO WAY!  I don't even miss them too badly, I just can't wait till I can be as real as I'm used to.  Not that I wasn't real at the moment, but it is sooo different with your own family!  I can't wait to tell the truth about everything and gossip if I feel like it and yell if something's wrong!  Sounds like my family will really enjoy coming over doesn't it hahahaa.  No really, I'm not that bad, but no one can ever be like your own family and that's why I miss them; my own original real actual family! :) 

To cry or to laugh,

Liisa